Monica was a very much a successful woman, very highly regarded in her community. Beautiful. She had her own successful business, a super loving, amazing husband, highly functioning kids. This woman had it all. But Monica was extremely unhappy with herself and her weight.
Monica told me that she had spent tens of thousands of dollars on weight loss plans, spas, fat camps, you name it just everything. And she could lose weight. She was an expert at losing weight. She said that was never, ever the issue.
“I have the willpower in the short term,” she said. “If you told me, eat dog food and drink this yucky drink, you know, for six weeks I would do it if I thought it would help me lose weight. I would do anything not to feel fat and feel like a pathetic beached whale.
THE WEIGHT ALWAYS CAME BACK
But then once the diet was over, all my weight would come back almost immediately. It's like the second that scale hits that magic number, I head for the fridge!
It's embarrassing because I'm a very public person. And my whole community has seen me go up and down between size four and size 14 over all the years I've been in my community. I am such a failure at this and it really makes me depressed. It makes me wanna hide. And I really think I'm hopeless.
Even though I have this great life on the outside, I spend most of my waking hours beating myself up about my weight and hating myself for being so weak.”
Monica had to learn to start from the same point that I'm going to introduce you to today, a point of self-belief, self-respect, and self trust.
Why? Because when we are struggling with our weight, we do not let ourselves love OR respect ourselves. We are overweight—that is supposedly not lovable and certainly not respectable.
The illusion is that when we lose the weight, we will love ourselves. But the same monsters still exist in our heads once we reach our skinny weight. And what will happen when we get to our skinny weight and realize life hasn't really changed that much? We'll get discouraged and eat, or think that we have to keep going and keep releasing weight because we don't love ourselves yet. And five more pounds. Yeah. Then we’ll love ourselves.
But we still hate our body. Getting thin didn't make our legs any longer or our belly any flatter.
Moreover, if we don't love ourselves or trust ourselves, as we get closer we get to our ideal weight, the fear of actually having to take action on our dreams scares the living crap out of us and we self-sabotage.
Or if we lose the weight, a smaller us makes us feel more vulnerable because the weight was a buffer and, in a way, it gave us power—the power to keep people away, and the power to not be seen, and the power to not be held accountable.
THE MONSTERS OF SELF-HATE DON’T GO AWAY WHEN WE LOSE THE WEIGHT
The problem? The monsters of self-hate persist even at our desired weight. Losing weight doesn't magically transform our self-perception. The illusion that life will drastically change post-weight loss sets us up for disappointment. We may still hate our bodies or use weight as an excuse to delay pursuing our dreams.
I have so many students in my shift weight mastery process, like Monica, who have spent tens of thousands of dollars who have had liposuction and surgery, have done very drastic things or taken products that aren't regulated. And they got to the right weight. But subconsciously because they still didn't love themselves, they were disappointed that their ideal weight didn't change that, that their lives didn't magically change.
In fact, they were very much the same. And because they hadn't learned to feed themselves in a sustainable way that they enjoyed and that allowed them to live their life at this new weight, they began gaining the pounds back ,and all the distrust and lack of self-respect came flooding back from that subconscious. Things quickly returned to the same old frustrating place… overeating and gaining the weight back.
I know this myself from it happening to me, hundreds of times, over the two decades of struggling up and down the scale of 40 pounds. This horrible feeling is a hauntingly familiar place.
In my free master class “How to Stop the ‘Start Over Tomorrow’ Weight Struggle Cycle and Start Releasing Weight For Good,” I walk through some ways that we can begin to turn this around—some thin thinking ways that we can start our journey of weight mastery from a place of self-love. We also do some very healing hypnosis for weight.
So the number ONE thing that I would like you to do is: I'm going to ask you to forgive yourself.
Why? Because when we struggle with our weight, we have a lot of self resentment. We resent ourselves because of our health issues that come from weight. We resent ourselves because of emotional issues. We resent ourselves because we feel like we are out of control. But if we are to succeed in weight release, we need to have more self-empathy, not more self-loathing.
This is not a woo-woo psychobabble thing. This actually has been proven by science—self-empathy connects you to yourself and allows your brain to work more effectively with you. It gives you more consistency. It gives you more focus because you aren't so distracted.
I'm going to ask you to forgive yourself because you deserve to be forgiven. You're on your own team and you really, really need to treat yourself with long, respect and forgiveness..
Breaking the Cycle:
Transforming Self-Hate into SELF-COMPASSION
To turn the tide, begin the journey with self-love. Forgive your body and own it where it is now.
Acknowledge that your body has carried us through life's experiences, regardless of its shape. Start by forgiving and appreciating your body, even the parts you may have resented. Get over the illusion that weight loss magically transforms body shape. Loving and owning your body at EVERY STAGE is crucial for a sustainable weight mastery journey.
Let this be a beautiful and unconditional journey where you love and care for yourself at every step. Remember those moments when you made unhealthy choices in the pursuit of a lower number on the scale? It's time to show your body the love and self-care it deserves.
THINK LONG-TERM TRANSFORMATION INSTEAD OF SHORT-TERM DEPRIVATION
This perspective aligns more with a hero's journey, a transformative experience filled with obstacles that ultimately contribute to personal growth. The challenges you face on this journey will shape you into a stronger, more resilient individual.
Communicate with yourself in a powerful and nurturing way. Cultivate the voice of your inner coach, offering motivation, inspiration, and wisdom. Treat yourself like your own best friend, providing encouragement and support. If needed, draw inspiration from mentors or nurturing figures in your life.
CULTIVATE REALISTIC AND LOVING EXPECTATIONS
Often, individuals struggling with weight set unrealistic goals that are neither achievable nor sustainable. Create a plan that aligns with your current capabilities, avoiding self-doubt and fostering self-respect.
By learning to love her body, Monica lost the weight–fifty pounds– and has kept it off for about five years now–AND you can too, if you embark on this transformative journey with a mindset of self-love, nurturing, and realistic expectations.
Cultivate the voice of your inner coach and view challenges as opportunities for growth. By treating yourself with kindness and setting achievable goals, you can make lasting progress on this journey of self-realization.
SUMMARY OF LOVING YOURSELF DOWN THE SCALE STEPS…
- Forgive Yourself: Release self-resentment and embrace self-empathy. Forgiving yourself connects you to your inner self, enhancing consistency and focus.
- Love Your Body: Accept and appreciate your body as it is. Cultivate a positive relationship with your body by acknowledging its uniqueness and loving it unconditionally.
- View It as a Journey, Not a Diet: Transform your weight release journey into a hero's adventure. Embrace obstacles as opportunities for growth, making the process a lifelong transformation.
- Cultivate Your Inner Coach: Develop a supportive inner dialogue. Be your own best friend and coach, fostering a mindset of encouragement, motivation, and inspiration.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic goals. Embrace a slow and steady approach to weight release, which is associated with long-term success.
- Forgive and Learn from Mistakes: When things don't go as planned, forgive yourself and focus on the lessons learned. Continuous learning is key to growth and improvement.
- Set Yourself Up for Success: Plan your day, create a doable schedule, and establish realistic expectations. Build self-trust and set yourself on the path to success.
- Be Selective About Food: Choose nutrient-rich, A+ foods. Develop a discerning palate for what truly nourishes your body, avoiding refined, non-nutritive “gak."
- Respect Yourself: Protect yourself like a guardian. Recognize vulnerable times and avoid situations that trigger weight struggles.
- Seek Support: Build a strong support network. Surround yourself with love from friends, family, and groups to aid your weight mastery journey.
- Start Living Your Dreams Today: Love yourself now and engage in your life at a deeper level. Don't delay your dreams until achieving an ideal weight.
Monica's story illustrates the transformative power of self-love and thin thinking strategies. As you embark on your weight mastery journey, remember: you are a hero on a journey of self-realization and transformation. Embrace it, and start living your dreams today.
