February Week 4: Do You Trust Your Waiter?

Welcome to the last week of the month and our last coaching regarding trust. We have covered trusting ourselves, our environment and also our body. This week I want to address a topic I know many of you want help with-eating out.

When I started working with clients as a hypnotherapist and weight release coach, one of the most interesting things that struck me is how hesitant, dare I say even scared, we are to trust that dining out can become part of their weight release plan. One of the biggest issues people have is asking the waiter for what they need.

Part of that trust issue may be founded on truth, with studies showing that we tend to eat as much as 70% more when we are eating out with other people. So, it makes sense that if we are going to achieve and maintain long term permanent weight release, we should feel comfortable enough to ask the waitperson, for what we need.

TRUST AT RESTAURANTS

Why is it so hard to ask the waiter for what we need? Is it a trust issue? Do we not trust that the waiter is there to serve us? Do we not trust ourselves and fear that the waiter will woo us into ordering something we will later regret? Or is it our social need to be nice? Is it that we don’t want to seem difficult or needy?

Are we afraid that the waiter will say no? Or refuse to serve us? Do they remind us of mom? Or frighten us with their powerful “you better be nice to me or I will spit in your food” stare?

Whatever your particular trust issue, I would like to give you some coaching based on my work as a weight release coach but also on my years of working as a waitress. That’s right. You see, I have no fear of waiters. I know them inside and out.

WHADDAYA WANT?

I put myself through school as a waitress in one of the fastest paced, Italian restaurants in Greenwich Village and worked with some of the most hardened waitresses and waiters on the planet. When I lived in NYC, the meaner you were as a waiter, the more tips you made. New Yorkers expected surly service and the more you gave, the more you money got.

There were two older Brooklyn Italian waitresses at Emilio’s restaurant, where I worked in Manhattan. Paula and Maria took me under their wings and showed me how to get the upper edge in the server/client relationship.

These ladies were classic. They would sit at a table in the restaurant, in plain view, either eating their own meal or smoking cigarettes, and when a customer would sit down, they would take about 5 minutes just to get up and get them a menu.

When they did get up and give out a menu, it was with no sense of urgency, even if there was a line of customers out the door. They would sashay over to the customer (cigarette dangling - this was the mid 80’s folks), throw a menu at them, sashay back to their table, plop down and continue reading the paper or whatever.

They would generally look as deadpan as possible when they eventually got around to take the order (cigarette still dangling), and then almost grudgingly throw a basket of bread at them, and then when the order came up in the kitchen, they would take their time to finish putting on their make-up and walk, with the most leisurely stroll possible, over to the kitchen to pick up the order (cigarette still dangling!!!) and plop the food down in front of the customer.

Let me tell you, these ladies had it down like a fine art and they made huge amounts of money, the slower they moved and the more ash they got on you and your food, the more money they made.

Fortunately, the world is a bit different these days. The emphasis on waiter surliness has been replaced by a focus on customer service. Nowadays, especially here in LA, customer is king. So, why wouldn’t you ask for what you need?

Let’s break the server/customer experience down and see if we can’t make some Shifts.

SHIFT THE WAITER. First there is the waiter greeting, maybe bringing you some bread. Greet the waiter nicely because chances are you are going to be asking them to do something for you. Look them in the eye, acknowledge their humanness. Make a connection, then make a request: “could you please take the bread away”. That’s right-Shift the waiter with your smile and your commitment to have this meal done YOUR WAY.

SHIFT THE MENU. Secondly, when the waiter brings the menu look at it like it was a grocery shopping list and that all the elements listed on the menu are items that could be put together to create your own dish. That’s right, Shift the menu. I look at dishes on the menus as mere suggestions of what the chef (or kitchen) can create.

Why do I think this? Because I have been in the kitchen, I know the chef is bored of throwing the same old dishes on the menu together. I know that all the ingredients are hanging out in the kitchen ready to be assembled my way, and I also know that when a waiter brings in a special order - often the chef (unless it is super busy) is pleased to have something to create that is different than what they usually slop on the plate.

SHIFT YOUR ORDER. Here is a tip: when ordering, ask for what you want rather than what you don’t want. It’s easier to say “could you please put this and that and this and that together for me” instead of “I want this salad but hold the this and substitute the that and put these things on the side” - it’s the Shift between seeming creative and high maintenance.

MY 300-CALORIE GO-TO ORDER. My favorite go to is to order fresh greens with some steamed or grilled veggies on top with grilled chicken or fish (I ask for a small amount of protein) and then a sauce (BBQ, dressing, salsa, marinara) or dressing on the side. This order usually is about 300 calories (without the sauce) and I have never been turned down or sneered at or laughed at - I actually have had waiters say to me “wow that sounds good” or serve the food and have many people wish they had ordered what I have ordered.

Do not be afraid to have the waiter bring you half the meal and wrap the rest to go. Really, they can and will do that. Even Maria and Paula did that without too much fuss. Okay sure, you might have found a little cigarette ash in your doggy bag, but hey, now you don’t have to worry about eating those leftovers at midnight.

SHIFT THAT WAITPERSON TODAY

Bottom line is this: waiters are people, too, do not fear them, instead, befriend them. Your waiter is your messenger to the chef, the butter wielding maniac in the kitchen. Often servers are struggling with their own weight issues and will go out of their way to accommodate your needs.

Practice using the following requests before dining out so that you will feel prepared.

• “May I have that sauce/dressing on the side?”
• “Can you split that entrée in the kitchen and box half for me to take home?”
• “May I have that poached instead of fried?”
• “I would love a bowl of steamed veggies with just a touch of pasta and then the marinara -instead of all pasta”
• “May I have a 3 oz cut of the steak instead of 8 oz?”
• “May I have a child size portion of that?”

The point is to trust the waitperson, trust yourself, and trust that you are both there to make this an enjoyable and Shifty meal that can allow you to feel one step closer to weight mastery when you leave. And there are no ashes anywhere near that!

Happy Ordering! Happy Shifting!