January Week 3: Focusing On Increasing Your Daily Willpower

How many times do we struggle because we allow ourselves to get into environmental situations without the protection of willpower? This week let's focus on the skill of building the muscle of willpower on a deep inner level to give us real strength in our vulnerable moments.

FOCUS ON INCREASING YOUR DAILY WILLPOWER

“I can’t lose weight because I have no willpower at night.” Carol Samson explained her daily dilemma in careful detail to me as she sat down for a Shift appointment.

Every morning she would wake up and eat a measured amount of cereal and fruit, pack a healthy lunch to take to work and even brought some almonds for when she got hungry in between meals.

At work she was good about avoiding the vending machine, drinking water, and even using the stairs instead of the elevator occasionally. Up until 5 pm, Carol felt like she had it together in the weight loss department.

But then, every night, she told me, “It seems like I go into this strange trance as I would enter my home.  I have the thought ‘I should exercise’ but then that thought is immediately overridden by this automatic urge to walk to my fridge, pull over the wine pour myself a glass and slice off 3 slices of cheese and shove then in my mouth. Once I do that I am a goner, it’s like I am not even there.”

Carol’s dilemma is a common and frustrating issue among many people who struggle with their weight. We can be “good” the first part of the day but it all falls apart at night. It seems as though our willpower goes from buff to flabby as the day goes along—why is that and what can we do??

SAVING UP YOUR WILLPOWER

It seems that willpower becomes depleted over the course of a day. Studies done at Case Western by Mark Murhaven and his group of psychology PhD candidates claim that, “willpower isn’t a skill, it’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things."

In short, the harder and longer your day is, the less willpower you have by the end of the day—hence the 5 pm dilemma with the wine and cheese or whatever your drink and choice of munchies.

The good news is that this muscle can be strengthened over time, but it works best when conscious thought is put into preparing for the “point of weakness” and coming up with a solution ahead of time and then practicing a better outcome to the situation.

THINKING IT THROUGH AND WRITING IT OUT ARE LIKE BENCH PRESSES FOR YOUR WILLPOWER

Carol and I sat down and went through her routine as she went through her night.  We looked at what her thoughts did automatically and pinpointed her “point of weakness” (when the thought to exercise gets pushed out by the thought to drink wine) and looked for ways to interject new more powerful thoughts and then practiced having those thoughts override the old thought process.

Next, I gave her the homework of writing out her new behaviors at her “point of weakness” which were her walking through the front door, go to fridge, get a glass of tomato juice instead of wine and put on her sneakers and go for a walk.

Next, we had her practice thinking through the new improved and powerful routine 5 times before she got out of bed in the morning and started her day—thus lifting those mind muscle weights and getting them ready for that day’s 5 pm challenge to come.

She also set her environment up for success by putting the wine in the back of her fridge and the tomato juice in front and put her tennis shoes where she could see them when she came home.

A week later she reported to me that after 2 days of consciously coming home and going through her new night plan it began to feel natural and effortless. The willpower needed to get “over the hump” was now turning into full brainpower because the conscious pattern was on its way to becoming subconscious. A month later she had released 8 lbs with ease and, more importantly, felt confident and pleased with being able to “show up for herself” in such a powerful way.

COACHING: PUT YOUR WILLPOWER THROUGH SOME CIRCUIT TRAINING

This coming week, I invite you to focus on strengthening just one “point of weakness” with a new powerful thought process and behavior and see the power in this.

1. Write down a habit that undermines your weight release on a daily or weekly basis, maybe it’s something similar to Carol’s situation or when you go out to dinner or lunch or when someone brings bagels into the office.
2. Write down your “point of weakness” in that scenario.
3. Think through the thoughts you would rather have, such as, “I choose to avoid those bagels today”.  Write out how the winning thought process would occur in your mind 5 times.
4. Write down the actions you would take after the thoughts. Such as, I will walk away from the bagels and go make myself a cup of tea instead.
5. Create a strong vision of what the winning outcome would look like(sitting at my desk, without a bagel stuffed in my belly while everyone around me complains about just eating too much bagel!)

I believe writing this out—especially with resistant behaviors--to be extremely helpful. But, even thinking it through and really practicing your new willpower action plan will be like doing 12 reps with 50 lb weights with your mind’s willpower muscle!

Have a great week Shifting your willpower!

P.S. I highly recommend “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhig which was the source of some of the cool studies in this coaching session.